//...M Y I L L U S I O N...\\

Friday, April 30, 2010

I'm back here after 4 years. In many ways much has changed yet in some ways, nothing at all has changed.

I am still stuck in this education system as i have been for the past 10 years. I am still here in hwachong, though in a different section. My life is still very much academic based, I am still who i am.

But here i am in j1 when the last time i posted was when i was in sec 1. Frankly i have read not read through my past posts these 4 years, perhaps for the same reason as that of everyone. I read my previous posts and feel like stupid writing that at that time. But time passes and present becomes past and who knows, 4 years later looking back at this post i may be ashamed of the present state i am in. this is just human isn't it.

In many ways i have changed as well, in my goals for life and how i see things.

The above line sounds so retarded and so cliche but whatever who still reads this space. Yea except you, yea YOU.

2 goals in life, to be happy and to be a good person. Frankly these goals are what everyone harbors, but getting caught up with the pace of life, getting stuck in the shit that everyone faces each day in work and in school, you lose sight of what you are actually living for.

In the past few years perhaps I do not mug as fervently for tests, to some i may seem nonchalent. It isn't because i don't care, but i recognize that life is much more than these academic assessments. Sticking on with the topic of education, i have come to question what education really means and what it is meant to achieve.

For me, it is but a means for me to gain knowledge, make a mark in the society and be happy through it all. Not just happy at the eventual achievements if there exists any, but happy through the process of gaining knowledge, of learning.

Yet so often far from providing happiness, education is associated with stress, tears, unhappiness, which in itself is ironic, since one studies in hope of a better and happier life, and yet one chooses to suffer through the process of it. But as humans we never seem to get it do we?

Does education equate to learning? I recently got to learn of this striking statement that "The one thing that has hindered my learning in life was my education". Ironic on a superficial level, yet deeply profound and perhaps depressing as one truly understands what it implies. Is our education system really that perfect? Is it really doing to us what it CLAIMS it is actually doing. All educational institutes claim to want to groom leaders, outstanding people, individuals who would make a mark in the society. But perhaps a comment i chanced upon recently provides a more realistic summary of what education today really means. "The aim of our education system is merely to develop the next generation of mindless drones, because no society would survive without having the majority of its people at the bottom." Isn't that the truth? How many leaders do you want in a society? If each and everyone of us are to be leaders, who the freak are the leaders supposed to lead? Looking back at how our education system teaches us to learn ever so mechanically, to conform, aren't we closer to the prospect of mindless drones than leaders who make a difference?

Moving on, many people claim that school life is filled with backstabbers, betrayals, and there are BFFs too, THE clique and so on so forth. Perhaps it is true, perhaps you are just thinking too complicatedly. I'm in my 11th year of education now and i have yet to meet a bad person. Don't tell me it is because i am lucky, but it really is because i recognize that there are 2 sides to everything, no one is truly bad. And neither is anyone truly good. This i realized in myself recently too, i have no ill intentions in anything i do and i have never intended to hurt anyone, but because of the way things go some people may bear the wrong impressions of me. Am i writing coherently?

And i am still turned off my emo kids, screw those facebook statuses of yours seriously. Strangely enough in this age being happy and contented seems to be a crime, only by proclaiming your sorry state, how hard life is for you, how things never go to plan, how you are a failure, are you considered cool and so on. This is retardedly stupid. For one it is pathetic to see how 16 17 years old trying to show the world how their life sucks, their fmls and so on. Yea, its hard on you failing a test, screwing up a performance, but at least you had the chance to take the test and perform. There are people starving in Africa and you dun freaking see them shouting fml to the world. Stop infusing yourself with a sense of self worth by posting those emo status and seeing the comments encouraging you cause srsly its lame.

I lead a happy life and i am freaking proud of it.

I still treasure the ones i love as much as ever. Which is why i have not lost my temper with my loved ones for the last few years. Except to maybe sis, and for this i am sorry sis.

Who still reads this space? Perhaps no one will ever unless you google my name, or perhaps you got here via an extensive network of links from blogs and one thing led to another and you are here.

Either way, szeyuan 4 years on from j1, is still pretty much the same as much as he has changed. But szeyuan of 2010 has his aims set out right now and hopefully four years later, i can say that in the process i have indeed lived a happy and rightful life.

because thats how life should be. :D

...szeyuan...9:48 AM...

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Friday, August 11, 2006

life's been good... ...

June-- Had a one month break with no or limited interuptions between... need i talk further?

July-- In which my birthday fell on one of a day among the 31 days other days in the month, got a soccer ball. yeah... finally one of my own :)

August-- National day! which was 3 days ago. and in which 3 days after national day, i am right here writing... -_-'''

Now-- exams, exams... EL gone Geog gone, Literature gone......dadada...

haix... wad's there left to write about.... life has been fine but boring... except for the few hours after school in which i come out for a breather... on the field...with a ball...
was punished yesterday but Bian jiang for not bring the article on chopsticks... so spent 40 minutes standing outside... its just an article, need you do this... why can't we just share with our partners and learn something...don't you know that i am so "enthusiastic in learning", at times...(yeah right)...only at times..of course....

there's this discussion going on about the use of standared English and Singlish. i would not like to comment much on it, but...don't you find it ironic that there lies such a profound explanation to this supposedly inferior and simple language, Singlish... have a look http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Singlish

...szeyuan...9:43 PM...

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Sunday, May 21, 2006

hi there, haven't been posting for quite a while. yah, thats right, laziness again. i had my sabbatical week recently and my sabbatical was science eureka, together with the majority of the class.as you can see, recently i screwed up my blogskin, but thank god, kezheng says that he had found a solution. yah right, even my pathetic comments section is gone. what crap...

science eureka was all right, but the biology section was totally boring. i screwed up my last experiment together with chern yuen and goh id. i enjoyed the chemistry part, the lazer one, and, well, the carolina(however you spell it), though not as much comparatively. yah, i had the street soccer competition on wednesday? somewhere around there, and though my team thrashed the sec 2, i played badly. we were one-nil down at first in the first half and things only changed for the better when alvin came on. he was totally incredible... bing lin was also great with a wonderful volley, resulting in a final score of 3-1. :)

was revising(or rather learning) my science a few moments ago. everything was fine till i came to the small intestine. i was like huh? huh? huh? haix, AT LEAST i made it to the small intestine. shall continue later on.

i just have this sudden urge of playing soccer now. but i can only play when friday comes. even then thers only a 50% chance. Thats cause friday = PE = most of time table tennis. what crap can? i had like only played table tennis twice in my whole life. and i don't even know the rules. i would rather just grab a chapteh and play outside while others are table tennising(continueous form). i want soccer so much...

another 3 days and 2 tests are right up. like huh? why put tests on the 2nd last day of school. for your info, i have been like having tests since 19th april, which is exactly 1 month and 2 days ago. 1 month and 2 days of tests, how crappy is that!?!? tests seemed to be the bane of my life in my primary school days. every night before tests, i would mug like crazy. but thats only 4 days, or okay, 5 days inclusive of higher chi. if i were to mug like that now, i might be dead before tests were even over. now thinking, my mugging last time didn't seem to help me much though. my sci teacher just kept nagging us to read our science guide when i practically knew it inside out alreaday. well, thats of course after reading it over a dozen times. i really don't get it why teachers keep bugging us to revise the same old things when we already knew them. perhapes if we spent the time revising the same old things playing some games instead, to stimulate brain activity, our results could have been better. but things are different now. now, we barely have enough time to finish studying (studying, not revising) our topics when tests arrive, much less some needless mugging...but even so, some games might still stimulate the brain to work better. so...

alright, shall end here now. mugging, useful mugging of sciece may continue now. come, wish me luck that i will know what i am reading later on. lets keep our fingers crossed....xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

...szeyuan...1:33 AM...

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Saturday, May 13, 2006

haven't been posting lately due to laziness. shucks...i just found out the max ace u can get for blogging for the whole year is only 3, a vast difference from what i previously thought, that is 9. haiz...

things are getting on rather smoothly lately, especially with the getting back of results. well, my results are something to cheer about.(beams proudly) lol... i indeed improved vastly from the 1st term.

well, just a short post here. really short one. just to let you know that i am still alive.
:) :=) |:=) |:+) |:+=) L:+=)

...szeyuan...3:23 AM...

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Thursday, April 27, 2006

well, the day today in class was quite tense, everyone wasn't in a good mood, flaring up easily...perhapes it is partially due to the fact that there are 2 tests today, and at that, they are english and literature. eng again, haix. just hate it. slacking quite a lot today, my main accomplishments were just mainly reading an hour of story book(operation book worm), practising piano and...blogging? anyway, i aren't going to have any tests till next week, that is geography test. besides, i have generally studied it already, so...

Alvin made an interesting but most oftenly true statement today. "i do not like this because my grandma likes it. things that she likes don't suit me," this is sadly true most of the time due to the generation gap. however, the way it is phrased is just...unique. i like it because she doesn't...interesting

going to read for maybe 20 more mins later before preparing for bed. ha! slacking night...:) :=) |:=) |:+) |:+=) L:+=)

...szeyuan...6:35 AM...

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Thursday, April 20, 2006

yah, thats right, the week's coming to an end, and tests are coming. i have a biology test tomorrow and after preparing concept maps, my file, and completing most of the revision, i am here blogging! -_- had a mathematics test today and i just hope to get an A1...

did something, which i felt was bad, today. i got Chunqi punished during eng lesson and he had to stand on a single tile for a whole hour. arrgh! i really didn't meant to harm him, at least not in such a cruel way. well, it all happened in the morning when he was playing some games on his HP. some of us tried disturbing Chunqi and all of a sudden, he swung his arms out and pinched my......yah, thats about it, but he did it...twice... and during eng lesson, i just made a casual comment about it and chunqi was...gone... felt guilty after that though, and i found my self wondering if i actually did the right thing...

test tests tests, it is raining tests...but heck! i've my umbrella with me...though i feel as prepared as last term, which i too felt pretty prepared. though i FELT prepared, last term was a disaster. so this term? but anyway, just trying my best... ;) not gonna get stressed out from this, though i had suffered a sudden loss control of my temper and actions just a few days ago. it is during these times, when i get so fed up and fustrated, that i discover that inside me, there is a wide range of COLOURFUL vocab too... ;)

watched a video about Morgan today, which was so funny, not the video of course, but the reaction of my class. everyone was like --> *_*zZz. no, not sleeping, but just "gong". i like Morgan, i mean he is so cool. imagine calling all the presidents of banks in Singapore together, be it POSSB or whatsoever, and lock them up in a room, or just take a river taxi on Singapore river and go to and fro and to and fro and to and fro, forcing them to come up with an idea to save Singapore from...anything. how cool is that!?!? or what about having billions of assets in your name and having people think you are god, cool? when i reach that level someday(thats if i could) i would call all principals together and...*evil laughter*...
oh come'on, just joking, i am or rather i WOULD be a very "ren2" leader ok... ;)

...szeyuan...6:07 AM...

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Thursday, April 13, 2006

arrgh! so irritated. just typed half a post and due to some foreseen difficulties, had to close all internet windows. i was very certained i pressed the ctrl+c button and now, when i press ctrl+v, where the heck did it fly to!?!anyway, to the main topic. the RGS compre planned at the last 2 periods made my day a suffer, at least for most of the times...though there were "fun" moments too...

that was during biology lesson and we were learning cells. arrgh, our cells seemed to have evolved as we approach secondary schools. just 2 circles inside one big circle. now much more things pop put from no where, theres a rod here, theres the mitochondrion there. didn't quite comprehand what was thaught, neither do i expect the class to. nevermind, i shall read at home and HOPEFULLY, i may get a better understanding. but yah, no gurantee i will understand what i am reading. some of the things taught when...
"inside the cell you have the necleus(yah, thats familiar),and in side the nucleus you have your nucleolus and it also contains exactly 46 chromosomes except the sperm cell(never heard before but still generally OK). Along the length of each chromosome is a series of chemical structures called genes.(er...ok)The chemical that forms genes is called DNA (deoxyribonucleic acid)(ei...huh).the DNA is made up of a long chain of nucleotides.(nuclo..wad?)A nucleotide is made up of a 5-carbon sugar molecule joined to a phosphate group (-PO3) and an organic base.(wad'ya saying?)the 5-carbon sugar is made up of:
Adenine (A)
Thymine (T)
Cytosine (C)
Guanine (G)"

the lesson was mainly like that. i think you could guess the faces of us. but we still had great fun though. the joy of learning comes from the laughter u get in your classrooms ;)

...szeyuan...6:27 AM...

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